god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
