You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
