I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We're too hungover to prance.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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