Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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