Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
