She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
