They should really pass out barf bags in church
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
