im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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