you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
only you would photoshop your dick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
