I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
