how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
