The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
