I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
