Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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