i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
