After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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