so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
