you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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