i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
