areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
