I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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