The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
