3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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