Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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