Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
