After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
