You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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