Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
BRING THE BAGELS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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