The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
