You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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