I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
