i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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