I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
