I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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