wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
