I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
