why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
