I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
