There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
