i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
