You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
