you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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