I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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