I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
