pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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