Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a side note pls kill me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
