after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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