That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
