I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
