very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
