there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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