They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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