hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
