I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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