I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
