mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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